"I am not afraid of storms because I have already learnt the skills of guiding my ship through the storms." A large number of fears that I experience in my life are the products of my lack of skills for doing different things. When I do not have the skills of doing something, there is always some doubts and fears in my mind. When first I wanted to drive a car I was very scared. That was quite natural. When I learned the skills of driving, I lost the fears of driving. That was natural too. Skills make things easy.
Even when I have learnt the skills of doing something, there would be challenges and problems. As far as I remember in my personal life and the people I have known, even when I had the skills I faced many obstacles. What skills usually I didn't learn were the ones that I never thought they would happen in my life. I never thought that one day I would be despised for being successful. I never thought that one day the people I had helped a lot in their lives become my enemies. I never thought that a Revolution happens and will turn upside down everything that was established in my society. Therefore, all the skills that I had learnt were related to the issues that were popular in an established society. When my established society turned upside down and everything changed suddenly I did neither have the skills nor the attitude to deal with it effectively. I could not learn very fast the solutions of either turning the tide in my favour or learning the skills of flying over the tides.
The one thing was clear for me. I was responsible for how I was and I was responsible for how I felt. I realised if I could not change the circumstances then I had to change myself to survive those circumstances. Times were tough but I was tougher than any time. I knew that tough times are temporary but I was permanent in the span of my life. I had seen before a lot of horrible conditions and I was able to survive them although I had to go through a lot of pain and difficulty. This was of course a lot different. This time the difficulties looked insurmountable but I thought I have to be strong enough to mount the insurmountable.
From my experience when sudden, sad and devastating developments happen in life, most people get in shock for some time. The shock may be short for some people or it may be very long for some others. For me the shock was very short; I quickly realised that my knowledge and skills of the previous times do not work as well as they did before. More than my skills, the issue of beliefs had become very important. I am not an opinionated person but I have certain values. These values and principles so far had given me the light to find my way through dark and complicated moments. But I realised that these principles and values were not valid anymore. Yet, they kept me strong and determined to find new ways of coping with events that happened every single moment. My values became my problems.
When I thought that these were my principles and values that did not fit the present circumstances I began to realise that flexibility could be a great asset for me. My life was more important than my values. I needed my values to help me have a wonderful life but now those values have become my liabilities.
I needed to change. I needed to generate some deep flexibility in myself to survive tough times. That was not easy. As far as I remember fear did not create any change in me. It was more the hope of a good future that generated change in me. I remember that at nights I portrayed myself in the way that I wanted to become. The very good and clear picture of how I wanted to be always stayed in my mind in day times. I look at it and smiled and I knew that one day I would be like that. Somehow it has not occurred in my life that I had to change myself because of fears. It does not mean that I am a great or brave man. Possibly I was so cautious in my life that I never came across great dangers.
I always prepared conditions in a way that the great dangers would never happen in life. Therefore great fears had not happened in my life before. This time it was different. I had to change my life and my values to survive. I tried to arrange some changes but when there were hot discussions, all my old values and beliefs emerged immediately. Just I couldn't stop them. A friend of mine advised me several times I needed to stop saying stupid things as they would put my life in danger. I tried to apply his advice but something deep inside me prevented that. Yet there was no any alternative but to change; not the way I wanted to change but the way the circumstances wanted to change.
Online Coaching Objectives:
Learn to be tougher than tough times
Master the skills of handling tough times
Survive tough times and turn them into opportunities