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Published : November 22, 2008 |
Author : Guru-reza
Category : Parenting | Total Views
: 654 | Rating :  
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Dr Reza Borr
Temporary hardships can create lasting pleasures.
The children have an inbuilt tool inside their minds to measure the pleasures that they get from anything. They instinctively know what everything brings to them. This is the reason that they want to experience everything themselves to measure the level of pleasures or pains. To them, nothing has consequences but immediate pleasures and pains. As the children have the hierarchy of pleasures they have also the hierarchy of pains.
The parents, the teachers and the coaches must be very skilful in a liberating the movement of children and identifying the patterns of the things in the in the behaviours and deciding whether they were conducive to pleasure or pain. The important thing is to identify to set of things, thoughts, the food, desires, and people.
Hierarchy of things
The researcher as the parent, teacher and the coach has to identify what kind of things that child likes or dislikes. He must record at least the most important 10 things that the child likes and dislikes. he must measure 10 things according to their importance from 1 to 10. This is the complicated matter that requires the services of the skill person who has done previously the exercise of hierarchy of pleasures and pains. This method is use in other areas of life: person in the, organizational and national level. The children exhibit the level of pleasure and pain when they see something or consume something. The researcher as a coach, the teacher or a trainer must be sufficiently skill in applying this matter method.
Each thing gives specific pleasure. The children look for diverse things for diverse pleasures. It is difficult to channel their quest for seeking pleasure in one or two things. There are some cases that a child may like few things equally or in the way that it would be hard to differentiate. The important thing is to understand what kind of things that child likes more than other things. Once these things are identified, it must be noticed how a child perceives the issues of pleasure and pain. What is it in that thing that gives the specific pleasure to that child? Why the child does not like something else? Why that child likes that thing? You may never know the reasons behind them. What is important is that you know that a child likes something for his own reasons. But what you need to realise is that a child likes something because it gives pleasure and when something gives him more pleasure, he likes it more and therefore it is easier to deal with the child using that thing as a tool for making fundamental changes in the children.
When you realise what gives the child more pleasure than anything else, then you have reached a very important point in setting direction for the child for his future growth and development. That thing whatever it may be would play an important role in shaping his future. How you can use this knowledge depends again on your skills of coaching and training. In many cases the children's parents, teachers and coaches are able to identify the most important thing in the life of a child but they may not be able to effectively associate that thing with the best purpose that the child can have for his future. That thing may help you identify partially his purpose. As we will discuss the other three sets of determining factors in creating the motivating purpose, for the moment we just need to realise the importance of the thing which is most important thing for child.
It is also important to realise that the things are tools of pleasure. They are also the tools of pain. The things that cause pain do not attract the children and if the purpose that you want to set for a child is closely associated with the things that bring pain, it would not be the right purpose for the child as he would do everything to avoid it. In the same way that you tried to move away from the kind of things that the child associates with pain you also try to find those things that are closer and closer to the thing that generates more pleasure. It is possible that you would be just surprised by what the child likes or likes. The may not fit in your own standards or your own criteria. Remember that your standards are not the standards of the child. Remember that your world is very different from the world of the child. While you think to be very rationale in perceiving the world, a child instinctively avoids rationality and moves towards his instincts.
What make the difference between you and a child at particular moment are your logic and his emotions. Your logic determines your judgment and his emotions determine his behaviours. A child does not think before he acts but he acts and acts again without thinking about the consequences unless the consequence is immediately felt and gives immediate pain or immediate pleasure. A child does not calculate, the adults do that. A coach, a parent or a teacher must understand that a child does not think what is good for him or what is not good for him. You think what is good for you, what is not good for you. You think what is good for the child or what is bad for the child. These are the decisions that you may make as the person who has the authority to make decisions about the life of a child. But your decisions must be based on scientific research and not on your arbitrarily judgments.
You will have more pleasures in life if you initially prepare yourself for taking some temporary hardships.
Reza Hossein Borr is an NLP Master Trainer and a leadership consultant and the creator of 150 CDs and 14 Change management models. He is also the author of Manual Success, Manual of Coaching and Mentoring, Motivational Stories that Can Change Your Life, and a New Vision for the Islamic World. He can be contacted by email: sarawani@aol.com |
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